After becoming beautiful, the world doesn't seem to be pink.

yesterday, the college arranged a party for the school anniversary. I sat at the dinner table and watched my companion stand up bravely and drink after a glass of wine.

after three rounds of wine, Ade looked at the glass that was still full in front of me, and some drank high ground and said, "Why don't you drink Xinxin?"

"I'm not much of a drinker, so drink it." I waved my hand with a smile.

"Oh, don't pretend to be reserved in front of us, you don't look like it."

then the boy next to him booed together and said, "it's a wet blanket if you don't drink." I looked at their slightly flushed faces, each smiling face conveying the message of "what are you pretending to be?"

later I asked Ade, "Why do you think I must know how to drink?"

Ade said carelessly, "your makeup makes you look good."

I didn't ask any more questions, and I don't want to know what "that" is. I can come up with a derogatory adjective to fill what in "that", but I'm not sure I can keep peace of mind when a more derogatory word pops up.

I looked out of the window and was silent.

before, when all the girls were holding dolls and wearing pink dresses, I practiced hurdles and running in the name of sports students on the track and field. With short hair, a fat tracksuit, a skin color close to an African, and a careless personality formed by hanging out in a sports class with few girls, I looked like a man who didn't develop at all at that time. This state continued until I graduated from junior high school.

Girls' changes are often accompanied by feelings. When I was stuck in a pile of boys, I fell in love with a boy dramatically later. He was very handsome, even in a rigid and ugly high school uniform. will also let a considerable number of girls cast an appreciative look.

when I cheerfully told my friend that I liked him, my friend's eyes flashed with surprise and asked "are you sure" many times. After getting the affirmative answer, she frowned and said, "give up. He's not for you."

because of my long rough life, I naturally can't understand what my friends mean. I asked, "We have similar personalities, our hobbies are all Warcraft, and our tastes are similar. Where is it not suitable?" My friend added, "apart from having your period, you don't look like a girl."

I really want to tell my friend, "No, I can be with him," but I found that I couldn't say it with all my strength, and at that moment, the girl's self-esteem finally sprouted and invaded the whole chest. Oh no, I didn't even have breasts.

I looked at the laissez-faire self in the French window: the fat hidden under the loose school uniform, dark skin, short and messy hair, there was no word loser at that time, but in front of me, I looked like a black mountain pig.

at the height of my inferiority complex, I even became ashamed to like such a beautiful thing. After 18 years of hidden power, I began to go wild. I carried out eating less and moving more to the extreme. When others were thinking about what to eat for dinner, I scrubbed a few circles on the playground. I began to learn to wear skirts and makeup. I replaced my flats with high heels and let myself lean into the girl's world.

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finally, in the summer of my freshman year, when I had lived for 18 years without being taken care of by a male, I was picked up by several seniors. I looked out of the window at the sky and never found that summer was so bright.

but later I found that this pink world does not seem to be all pink, it is mixed with more helplessness and annoyance.

I have to find ways to earn living expenses to pay for expensive foundation, lipstick and skin care products.

during a fat loss period, every time I had dinner with my friends, when they were thinking about eating Spicy Hot Pot or Haidilao, I would coldly say, "have a salad." When my friend excitedly asked me to see a new movie, I always let him down when I ran into sports time. They always said that it was boring to go out with me, and it was difficult for me to strike a balance between my good friend's complaints and my fear of going back to my past impatience.

I began to realize that people who go from ugly to beautiful are more afraid to go back to the past than anyone else.

my fears and anxieties can only be alleviated by restraining my desires, but at the same time, I lose the pleasure of enjoying life with my friends.

and because of the days when I was among the boys, I knew how to open the yellow accent better than girls of the same age, and I always thought that proper dirt was a very effective tool to regulate the atmosphere. It's just that later, a friend asked me for sexual knowledge at night. I sat in front of the computer and said again and again that I had no practical experience. The friend said angrily, "you look mature and have so much experience, how could you not know?"

finally my friend put down the sentence "stop pretending, you don't look like it", followed by a smiling expression

. I have become more beautiful, but how can I suddenly become an experienced girl in the eyes of others?

Danni, my best friend, is in the modeling circle, and recently, she won the champion of a brand real estate marketing contest in their school. I sent a congratulatory message to her circle of friends at the victory party, with a picture of us.

after a few minutes, the bottom began to be scanned by a bunch of similar comments.

"beauty is good"

"beauty does everything well"

look at these comments. I feel very angry but helpless. They don't know that Dany can't sleep for four hours for several days because of this competition, and they don't know that she will become extremely anxious, negative, and unconfident the day before she goes on stage. She's a different person from the Dani I used to know. But all these efforts and hardships, because she is beautiful, was ruthlessly erased by everyone.

I suddenly found outPerhaps it is because people have been immersed in the "face-seeing world" for so long that many people rely on constant complaints and criticism to get a trace of pleasure and the comfort of no one is perfect.

many people say that the world you encounter after becoming beautiful is well-intentioned. But when people's jealousy, jealousy and greed are hidden under the mask of pretending goodwill, the world can never be pink. What bothers me even more is that when I sincerely talk to others about these troubles, people always feel that they are showing off.

when I have experienced a lot of these things, I sometimes recall with envy that I was ordinary at that time and lived a simple and ordinary life. Although no one paid attention to it, I enjoyed myself a little bit.

however, I know better than anyone that if you choose me again, I still want to be a better-looking self. I am very glad that the boy who appeared at that time became an opportunity to make me better and let me know that I actually prefer to look better myself.

finally, be sure to remember. Never look good in order to be recognized by the world, be recognized by others, and be treated gently, because in that case, the strange aesthetics of the world will distort you into others. Think of those female stars who don't smile because of hyaluronic acid. They change their appearance in order to please everyone, but no one likes them.

"good-looking" is a word for yourself. It makes sense to focus on yourself and become beautiful.

Jiang Xun said: "the first object of love in life should be yourself, write poems to yourself, and talk to yourself." Calm down in a space and listen to your heartbeat and breath. I believe that this life will not panic when it goes out. "

when you think about it, it doesn't matter whether the world is pink or not. what matters is whether you like yourself better than you used to be.

finally, I won't tell you the nonsense of "you're already beautiful."

because I, like you, have experienced days that no one cares about.

look at these comments. I feel very angry but helpless. They don't know that Dany can't sleep for four hours for several days because of this competition, and they don't know that she will become extremely anxious, negative, and unconfident the day before she goes on stage. She's a different person from the Dani I used to know. But all these efforts and hardships, because she is beautiful, was ruthlessly erased by everyone.

I suddenly found outPerhaps it is because people have been immersed in the "face-seeing world" for so long that many people rely on constant complaints and criticism to get a trace of pleasure and the comfort of no one is perfect.

many people say that the world you encounter after becoming beautiful is well-intentioned. But when people's jealousy, jealousy and greed are hidden under the mask of pretending goodwill, the world can never be pink. What bothers me even more is that when I sincerely talk to others about these troubles, people always feel that they are showing off.

when I have experienced a lot of these things, I sometimes recall with envy that I was ordinary at that time and lived a simple and ordinary life. Although no one paid attention to it, I enjoyed myself a little bit.

however, I know better than anyone that if you choose me again, I still want to be a better-looking self. I am very glad that the boy who appeared at that time became an opportunity to make me better and let me know that I actually prefer to look better myself.

finally, be sure to remember. Never look good in order to be recognized by the world, be recognized by others, and be treated gently, because in that case, the strange aesthetics of the world will distort you into others. Think of those female stars who don't smile because of hyaluronic acid. They change their appearance in order to please everyone, but no one likes them.

"good-looking" is a word for yourself. It makes sense to focus on yourself and become beautiful.

Jiang Xun said: "the first object of love in life should be yourself, write poems to yourself, and talk to yourself." Calm down in a space and listen to your heartbeat and breath. I believe that this life will not panic when it goes out. "

when you think about it, it doesn't matter whether the world is pink or not. what matters is whether you like yourself better than you used to be.

finally, I won't tell you the nonsense of "you're already beautiful."

because I, like you, have experienced days that no one cares about.